7 Things Only Women Who Wear Dark Lipstick Can Understand

It takes a certain kind of woman to wear dark lipstick all day long: A patient one. Slicking on a deep purple for the day introduces a whole can of worms that not everyone is prepared to weather. Everything from worrying about the stainable state of your teeth to not being able to eat your morning croissant are involved, and not everyone is up for the challenge. Below are 7 things a woman who wears dark lipstick can only understand—be prepared to feel our pain.

Once You Put It On, Everything Is Off Limits


That cheese Danish? No. Your coffee cup? Back away. A sip of water? You’re not hydrating today. The top of your cat’s head? He won this time, no kisses for Harold. Once you put that dark shade of berry on, everything that comes into contact with your lips is off limits. You need that shade to last girl, you know the rules.

That Terrible Moment Your Lip Liner Peeks Through


You walk into the bathroom on your way to the stalls, and flicking an unassuming glance in the mirror, you notice it. Rushing over for a closer look you bite back the groan. Your lipstick. It wore off, and probably ages ago. Now in its wake is a dark rim of lipliner that makes you look like Jenny from the Block circa 2004. Friggen great!

The Burden Of Dry Lips


You swipe on your vampy shade when you notice it: That little dry patch in the center of your lips. I mean, how could you not notice it? With just one slick of merlot-like color and that seemingly invisible dry spot transforms and makes you look like you just got rescued from being stranded in the Nevada desert for four solid days. Lips to the most pruny of proportions. What is the science behind this? How is this happening? You wipe off your efforts and try again.

Your Coffee Mug Is Going To Look Like You Made Out With It


It’s just going to be all plum shades, from the lip somehow to the ceramic ear. Don’t ask how it happened, just know that it did.

You'll Ruin Linen Napkins


Have you ever been out with a friend for lunch and, as you reach over for the white linen napkin, you forget you have lipstick on the shade of a brick red? So instead of delicately dabbing at your lips you go to town and wipe like you’ve just finished eating a plate of chicken wings, and come out of it holding a napkin that looks like it should be outlined in chalk on the floor. You might as well just throw that square out for the restaurant; there’s no way they could ever revive that.

Your Mom Is Going To Tell You It’s Too Dark


Or your sister in the three year relationship with the stuffy accountant. Or your gal pal who thinks that boot cut is the only suitable cut. Someone in your life is going to tell you that you must have accidentally put on the wrong shade, because they know you aren’t about to step outside with that punchy hue on your lips. To which you only take our your compact, smack your lips with a pop, and smile slightly wickedly in their direction.

When You Take It Off, You Look Naked


It’s one thing when you wipe off the usual mascara or blush, but it’s a completely other thing if you wipe off a statement-making slick of deep purple. You went from looking like Chrissy Teigen to Fantine from Les Miserables. C’est la vie.